Phone calls from my Mother

My father, 85,

Up a tree,

with a chainsaw.

My mother on the phone:

“Andy, he’s up the tree again. With the chainsaw. Make him come down. It’s dangerous.”

“Mother, if he fallls out of that tree and kills himself, he will have died a happy man.”

My father, 86,

In the kitchen

with fruit.

My mother on the phone:

“Andy, he’s throwing bananas at me.”

“Mother, what have you said to him?”

My mother, 82,

In the bedroom

on the floor.

My mother on the phone:

“Andy, I have fallen out of bed and cannot move. Please come and help me. It’s an emergency.”

“I’m forty minutes away. Have you rung emergency services?”

“I didn’t want to bother anybody.”